How to answer a question you did not expect

The principles

1. 01

   Pause before you answer

   A two-second pause is normal and reads as thinking. Filling the gap with "um, well, I mean" often reads as more awkward than a short pause.

2. 02

   Give a short true answer

   You do not have to share more than you want. "I have not thought about that much, but I like the idea" is a complete and honest answer.

3. 03

   Hand the question back

   Add one line that turns the question towards them. It keeps the conversation from stopping on you and shows you are interested in their view.

4. 04

   Let a small mistake go

   If you misunderstood the question, say so and carry on. Nobody expects a perfect answer to a surprising question.

Three unexpected questions, and how to answer them. Replace the personal answers with your own true ones: these show the shape, not a script.

• “"So what would you do if you could quit your job tomorrow?" — "Honestly, I would probably start teaching. What would you do?"”

  Why it works: A true answer, then a question back. The conversation now has two sides and nobody has to carry it alone.

• “"Do you think people can really change?" — "I think some people do, slowly. What made you ask?"”

  Why it works: It avoids a debate you were not ready for, and the question at the end asks for their reason, which is usually the interesting part.

• “"What is the weirdest thing you believe?" — "Probably that most plans work better when you start them badly. What is yours?"”

  Why it works: A light answer that is true to you, with a question that is easy and fun to answer.

• “"If you could have dinner with anyone, who would it be?" — "Probably my grandfather, I have a lot of questions. Who would you pick?"”

  Why it works: It answers with something personal and warm, then gives the other person a question that is easy to enjoy.

• “"What did you want to be when you were ten?" — "A pilot, until I found out about the medical checks. What about you?"”

  Why it works: A short story with a small joke in it. It shows a bit of who you are without making the answer heavy.

Mistakes that end the exchange

• Answering with a single word and nothing else

  "Yes." or "No." closes the topic. A short extra line, even one sentence, keeps it open.

• Turning the question into a lecture

  A surprising question is a chance for a small opinion, not for a speech. If your answer is getting long, stop and ask them instead.

• Pretending you have an answer you do not have

  It is more convincing to say "I have not really thought about it" and then think aloud than to invent a confident opinion.